10/2/2025 - Session

 

What is felt versus what was said. Scott surrendered to the process because he is committed to repair. It was not what Scott said but what Andre experienced during childhood. Because Scott is regulated, he could relate to Andre, feel connected and repair.

Andre wanted to know that Scott wants him, that he wants to be his friend., because it is what he was lacking when coming home. He never felt welcomed.

Andy expresses that Andre’s story created some anxiety for him. He was a key slash child. His patents were never home when he came back from school. He had to soothe himself. During puberty the best way to soothe oneself was masturbating to survive loneliness.

Robert appreciates how Scott dealt with the problem. His heart was warmed by the way Scott repaired the relationship.

Kirk is not checked out, but he is writing …

It is hard for Isaac to respond because the situation with Andre is familiar to him. He has a roommate, who is also a friend, but he never knows how his friend is going to be. Scott has suggested him to think logically and maybe this friend is going through something. To not ambush him. Take a pause and tell him, “hey it will great if we talk.” Set a time to do that.  

Remember, says Scott, that in any conflict, at one point it stops being about the conflict and turns into a reenactment of our past. So

How to repair

·         Regulate (what does that feel in your body)

·         Relate (what situation could have caused this feeling in your past)

o   Empathize, relational connection

·         Reason (Problem solving)

New perspectives emerge

 

So this is how we create stories.

 

Andy’s Story

 

He feels anxiety about telling the story. He feels he will be rejected.

He was 4 years old in Hawaii. He was comfortable in school. As he walked outside there was more than one school bus. He did not know which one was going to take him. He took a bus without knowing. He did not know his stop. The bus was getting empty. He was afraid. He wanted his mom. He does not remember how he got home. All he remembers is being afraid.

 

When he wrote the story he felt no emotion. Yet, when he was reading it, he felt tears coming out of his eyes.

 

Scott: Can you go back to the line right before you started to break out?

 

Andy: I am only 4 years old.

Scott: you had to grow very fast.

The fact that you have no memory at the end is dissociation.

I felt this crushing weight of not knowing you were not a big boy; you were only 4 years old.

What do you think the tears are about? Where are the emotions coming from?

 

Andy: I think a tremendous sadness.  Going back, he remembered what happened.

Scott: He grew up too fast.

 

Isaac: He know what it feels like

 

Mark: My body went on a journey. I am proud of that 4-year-old.  I felt that in my chest.

Andy: Thank you for saying that. I was never praised for learning how to read by myself.

Those words are valuable to me.

 

Scott: Mark is mirroring the appropriated emotion for that boy.

Andy: I feel his words like a blanket over my heart. I never heard anyone praising that little boy.